A Gentle Tongue during a Hard Conversation
Written for Bible Journey Plan. Our editorial standards.
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4 KJV
Some conversations are difficult because the subject is difficult. Bills, disappointment, family tensions, and repeated mistakes cannot always be discussed pleasantly. Yet the weight of the subject does not require cruelty in the way it is addressed.
Speak accurately and leave out the sentence whose only purpose is to hurt. Words such as always and never can turn a specific concern into an attack on a person's whole character. Describe the actual problem and the change that is needed.
Gentleness does not make truth weaker. It can make truth easier to hear. A clear statement spoken without contempt gives both people more room to respond responsibly than an accusation wrapped in ridicule.
Let the Lord govern your tone as well as your facts. If either of you is overwhelmed, agree on a reasonable time to return to the matter rather than abandoning it indefinitely. Seek sound help for patterns that keep causing harm. Marriage needs honest conversations, and those conversations need speech that aims to heal. You can take a problem seriously while still treating the person before you as someone worthy of patient care.
Keep the passage in context
The proverb describes the life-giving effect of wholesome speech and the damage caused by perverseness in the tongue. Words have a real effect upon those who receive them.
Read further: Proverbs 15 in the King James Bible.